One of my favorite things about the holiday season is the lights. In an otherwise dark time of year, strands and balls of shimmering color dance around homes and businesses, making what was drab and gray glisten and glimmer. (The holiday lights below transform a dark shopping street in Amsterdam into a beautiful walk.)
One of the neighborhoods in our own city has turned hanging Christmas lights into an art form, charity fundraiser and athletic event. (CLICK HERE to watch the video about the Sunset Hills Christmas Balls to see the difference a little light can make in the world.)
But today I am given the task of spreading my own light with the world. To be clear, today I want to make a difference in someone special’s universe, but I’m not quite sure how to do it.
We’ve had a bit of a fight, one that isn’t just fading into the background. Though I can’t get into specifics here, suffice it to say a seemingly routine conversation turned heated and harmful quite unexpectedly. I was very hurt by the other person’s words to me, as I believe he was by mine, but I feel even more hurt by the rift that is now growing between us. I don’t want our conflict to become one more line on a list of feuds that never got resolved because one or both parties were to proud to make amends.
Though it’s only been a few weeks, it’s time for me to do something to reach out and apologize. But I’m scared. I’m struggling with what I can say or do to express my sorrow for the argument taking place as well as for my part in it without it being taken wrong.
I don’t want it to turn the conversation into another argument or a contest to prove who was right or wrong then and now. I also don’t want to come across as weak, whiny or spineless.
What is most important to me is that love is expressed as the primary driver behind what I do/say. The relationship is more important than “being right” about a point of view or opinion. It’s OK to agree to disagree.
I have no control of how my words or actions will be taken and am praying for the best outcome possible. I don’t know how things will turn out, but am certain doing nothing to make things right is suffocating my inner spark. If I don’t at least TRY and mend the rough edges of this relationship, I will be denying who I really am and darkening the glow of my spirit.
As I continue to seek the right timing and sentiments, I am grateful for the opportunity to reignite what is truly important to me. My holiday conflict definitely illuminated who I really am – including some of my own (usually well-meaning) flaws – and is helping me become a better person and “gift” to those around me. Perhaps the real meaning of the phrase “shedding light” is to look upon the gray areas of a ourselves and lives through the gaze of light-filled eyes to see the sparkle that lies (sometimes hidden) in all of us.
May the lights of Christmas help you find the sparkle in yourself and others this year and always.